My self-esteem went in the tubes during my teenage years. After, I became a teenage mother at the age of fourteen and again at the age of sixteen. I felt like everybody look at me completely different. People have the wrong perception of teenager who has a baby. Young and old people can make you feel like you have been infected with some type of contagious disease and if they touch you, they will become infected too. Being a teenager is hard enough and adding a baby into the mix just creates more stress to a very stressful situation. Keep in mind I had two kids within a two-year time span. During these pregnancies I lost friends and gained a lot of enemies. I only had one true supporter and that was my MOM!! She always told me to do my best and not worry about what people had to say about me. She encouraged me, but she also kept it real and told me that life would not be easy, but that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. I enjoyed our talks, but when I had to be alone with my own thoughts, then self-doubt would come in and all of the positive energy went right out of the door. It was a true struggle trying to make it through each day and hold my head up high, when deep down inside I felt just horrible about my life. My low self-esteem continued on through high school and yes I did graduate from high school!! Even with the issues of having two different “baby daddy’s” that did not want to have anything to do with me or the babies, I still graduated with extra credits. My low self-esteem set the tone for the relationships that I endured in my twenties. I wanted to be loved especially after my biggest supporter passed away and I felt all alone. I endured mental and physical abuse during most of my twenties and into my thirties, until I finally realized that I needed to start loving myself and get out of this unfulfilling relationship/marriage. I walked out of my marriage, knowing this was the best decision that I could make for me and my children to have a better life. Oh, but it did not work out like I thought because by this time I had three children and only one wanted to live with me and the other two elected to stay with their father. Being a mother and hear your children tell you that they could have a better life with their father instead of you, is very devastating. I allowed them to stay and I went through with the divorce, but in the mean time I also turned to alcohol for my support. I became a functioning alcoholic for a few years, until one day it hit me, your children decided to stay with their father and you can still be there mother, but you have got to quit beating yourself up over their decision. Me and alcohol broke-up. I decided to return back to school and start focusing on the child that stayed with me. I know my two children think that I don’t Love Them like I Love my oldest son, but that really not true. I Love all of my children the same and want nothing but the best for all of them, but I will not allow my youngest children to continue with this let’s blame mom for our bad choices and down fall in our life.
My life has had a lot of ups and downs, but they have made me stronger and the woman that I am today. I continue to grow and love myself more and more each day. I hope this will help somebody, realize that you are worthy to be loved, but first you must love yourself!!!!
Dream.Believe.Achieve
Luberta Lytle
Middle-Aged Mogul
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