If two people are involved in a dysfunctional relationship, why would they decide to get married? I have asked myself that same question for the last eight years.  My relationship started out just fine, but then we just become a little too comfortable with each other.  Then this lead to each person doing their own thing and meeting up at the house, to pretend that we really cared about our relationship.  In reality nobody truly cared, but we wanted to look good in our family and friends’ eyes.  We continued being very independent and not being concerned with the other ones feeling, for several years.  We actually become roommates with benefits, for the next 11 years to be exact.  A lot of people got hurt due to our selfish act of wanting to have our cake and eat it too.  If would have been simpler to work on our relationship to make it stronger, but instead we decided to cheat and bring other innocent people into our mess.  Instead of making some serious changes in our already dysfunctional relationship, we decided to bring all of this bagging into a Marriage!! We decided to escape to Sin City aka Las Vegas and get married on New Year’s Eve.  We did not share this information with any of our friends and loved ones!! I can’t imagine why we would not tell somebody about this special occasion.  Well, we got married and brought in the New Year in Las Vegas.  Then we returned back home with our little secret.  Oh, then we decided not to tell anyone until we received the marriage licenses in the mail, just in case the something happen and we found out that we were not actually legally married.  Well, the mess in our relationship followed us into our marriage and it did not take long for our “Dirty Little Secrets” to expose themselves.  The innocent bystanders decided that they did not want to be so innocent anymore.  This exposure did not help our already screwed up marriage.  We had a long talk about making some changes in our marriage of 2 years.  I decided that we needed to get a Divorce and just move on with our lives.  He decided that we needed to take a more serious approach on saving our marriage.  This lasted about two months and then we both reverted back into our old habits.  We preferred not to talk and/or spend any type of quality with each other.  We went from roommates with benefits to just plain old roommates.  This type of marriage lasted for 4 years.  Then my husband decided to quit being a social drinker and started attending church.  This is coming from a man who only went into a church, when a close family member or friend pass away.  I began noticing small changes in his attitude and staying around the house more.  He removed a lot of friends and acquaints from his life, that he felt brought too much negativity in his life.  I on the other hand still hand the mindset of divorce and brushed all of these changes off and figured they would only last for a short period of time.  He asked me on several Sundays to attend church with him and I would always say no.  Then, one particular Sunday, I decided to get dress and go with him.  He appeared to be shocked, but excited all at the same time.  This started the beginning of us having more conversation and spending quality time together as a couple instead of acting like single people.  Even though we started acting making changes, to improve our marriage in the back of my mind, I still wanted a divorce.  I even contacted an attorney to discuss divorce proceedings.  My husband happens to see the paperwork from the attorney and he informed me that if I proceed with this divorce he would tell the judge, that neither party put forth an effort in trying to make our marriage work and we should attend some type of marriage counseling or anything to put our marriage back on track, instead of getting a divorce.  This really upset me and I decided to submit the paperwork anyway, but my attorney screwed up all of the paperwork and when, I called him regarding this mishap, he told me “oh just send everything back and that’s what happens when you don’t have a secretary and you attempt to do it all yourself”.  I decided not to return the paperwork and instead did some soul searching.  I finally asked God to reveal if he wanted me to stay or walk away.  That following Sunday my husband decided to join church and after the church service, he revealed that he had asked God to give him his wife back, so he could get it right this time.  I decided that God had answered my prayer too.  I also stated praying that God would take the hurt out of my heart and fill it with Love instead.

We are still marriage going on our 10th year and preparing to renew our vows this year.  I have learned 2 major things. Doing wrong to your spouse for wrong doing creates a vicious cycle of hurt for all parts involved.  When you put things in God hands and take them out of your hands things marriages can be restored.